Walking to and from work these past few days has been pretty treacherous as there is so much ice on the paths. I hate walking on ice! I get so tense and scared of slipping so I start taking baby steps which makes it even more likely that I will slip.
It made me think about faith. Trusting in God and trusting that His path is right for me is so hard! I think it is like walking on the ice, I am scared of falling and want to be in control and the more I fight the worse off I am. I have become so used to being in control of my life that it is hard not to keep struggling for power. Really it is silly – who could ever win a power struggle with God and who would want to?
I keep trying though, just like on my walk to work. I slip a little and get scared but I keep going as stopping and giving up just isn’t an option. I find it difficult to keep going when I don’t know where this path will take me or how challenging it will be.
In becoming a Christian I think I have become a better person. I wasn’t awful before but now I am far more aware and considerate of other people. I have always been the old fashioned one, the responsible one, the moral one and it is so nice to have my thoughts on life validated. Traditional values aren’t bad!
I don’t really know anyone who believes in God. It may be the people I know or it might just be how it is in England but no one talks about what they believe in. Either they don’t believe and are quite hostile or they are just no open about it. The lack of support and just not having someone to tell me that what I am feeling is normal is hard. It hurts when I feel shaky as I feel like I shouldn’t have doubts as God is true and loving.
I love God, I truly do so I hate when I doubt Him and His will. I think it is one of those things that I will get better at dealing with other time as my faith gets stronger and stronger. I still find it hard to believe that God cares about me and that He would bother to have a plan for me. I don’t feel like I deserve His love and I strive to be worthy.
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?