Saturday, 11 December 2010

A Daughter At Home.

What is a daughter’s role in the home once she is past the age of attending school and is an adult in her own right? I have thought about this quite a lot as I am in my 20’s and still live with my parents and work full time outside the home. I sometimes wish I was married and had a home of my own but as life hasn’t turned out that way I am determined to make the best of what I have.  I do find it difficult to see people my age and younger who are already married and having children. I guess it is just another part of accepting God’s path for me and not thinking that I know best.

I don’t believe that learning stops when school does although it can be hard to maintain that level of structure. I know that sometimes I don’t get around to doing things I should but when I was at school lessons started at a set time regardless of whether I would rather be doing something else. It is also hard to judge what progress has been made. Part of this blog’s purpose is to record as I (hopefully) change and develop as a person.

A quote from the 1893 Girl’s Own Annual:

“Shun what has been called the “Fiend of Idleness.” In nine cases out of ten, in family life, idleness means quarrelling. Being busy means being happy. To look forward to having nothing to do, as though such a condition were an advantage, seems to me something despicable. To waste the years from, say, sixteen to twenty-five in aimlessness and self-indulgence, instead of in vigorous systematic self-culture, is absolutely wicked. God gives work to those who fit themselves for it, and He rewards work with more work, and thus, as we render ourselves more apt and capable, greater opportunities come to us.”

I think a big part of being at home is helping my mum. If I can relive some of the burden of caring for the home and garden from her I will and it is good practice for me, both in the actual tasks and in learning to put other people’s needs before my own. It is so easy to fill my time with meaningless things like television or magazines, things that take your time and leave you with nothing worthwhile for the missing hour or two. I am working on conquering this fault in myself by not buying gossipy celebrity magazines and by just watching the actual programme I want on television rather than flicking through all the channels. 

I have read about stay at home daughters in various books and on the internet as it wasn’t something that I knew even existed. I am not sure that it does exist in England to be honest! I think it is a lovely idea where it is possible. What a wonderful chance to learn all the skills needed to raise a family and look after a home without being pulled in different directions when studying for exams or working outside the home. I know that it isn’t financially possible for many families but what an opportunity for those daughters who do stay home until they get married.

It is hard to explain to others the value I see in learning home making skills. Most people I know already think I am very old fashioned especially if we get talking about what sort of marriage I would want. Traditional values don’t seem very popular! Maybe I was born in the wrong era!

Another quote from the 1893 Girl’s Own Annual:

“Don’t ape the man. Keep to woman’s kingdom; it is a domain large enough for any queen. Men may pretend to admire the loud talking, the slang phrases, and the forward manner of the “mannish” girls, but it is not among them that honest sensible men desire to find their wives."




  1. I think that home is a great place to be, to be under your father's protection and your mother's training. There is much to learn, learn about your role as a daughter and future spouse, homemaker and Lord's willing mother.

    Time to invest in the WORD without the interruptions and duties of motherhood, a time to freely being able to serve your church and community.

    staying at home daughter have so many great thing to do, but careful to waste this time in not doing things for the Lords.

    BWT thank you for leaving a comment on our blog :-) and you can never be to old for a Doll :-)

  2. Ps if ever you would like to live in Canada I knew a few young Godly men, hehe I married the oldest of the 6 brothers, and his 6 sisters are lovely :-)

  3. haha I just now feel like a old matchmaker LOL

  4. It is nice to live at home and learn all this without the huge pressure of bills! I pay a share but it is nothing compared to the responsibility of actually owning a house.

    :-) I just bought 2 gorgeous teddy bears so I am not all grown up yet!

    Godly men .... there seems to be a lack of them over here! If it is meant to happen it will I just have to try not to rush!

  5. Don't rush anything. God has your path planned, trust him. I love that you are learning from your mom. You are a wise young woman. The man that recieves your hand in marriage will be a very lucky one!

  6. I was a stay-at-home daughter after I graduated from high school and before I was married. I worked full-time, I took some classes, and I did try living on my own once. But I loved being at home (for the most part, haha!) and now that I am married I am so glad I had the time to learn to cook and run a home from my mom. :) And so is my husband! :D

  7. This is another way we are alike :-)

    I still live at home too, even though I'm 25 and working full time. I lived on my own for a while, but it felt so odd to be away from the country life I have and to be doing anything I did around the apartment (cleaning, cooking, etc.) totally for myself when at home, I was doing those things for others.

    It has been a great blessing (and challenge!) to be here working and fellowshiping... and getting to help with my little nephew who stays here a good bit :-)

    Thanks for sharing the quotes you have here; they are good thoughts to focus on. It is good to be busy at home...and also to break from work to rest at Jesus' feet and learn.

  8. Tina – I am learning a little from my mum (baking mostly!) but we have very different views on life. My mum doesn’t understand me (apparently I am very old fashioned!) but she supports me which makes me love her more.

    HollyElise – It must be so hard for women who go out on their own! I don’t think I could do it even at my age. I think if I lived alone I would get very selfish and probably very lazy! From what I have seen on your blog you are a fab homemaker!

    Ruth – I thought you were older than me! You sound so wise! I much prefer to do things for others, somehow it feels more worthwhile and meaningful. Blessings and challenges - sounds like life!

  9. :-) Thanks, Jenny. I appreciate that compliment. I think God has matured me a lot lately... I just hope and pray I can live all the wisdom He has spoken to and through my heart.

  10. These are great thoughts! I mostly lived at home in my 20's, except for one brief 6-month period where I went to Bible school to train as a missionary. During my time at home I worked full time, so I didn't have a lot of time to focus on learning homemaking skills. When I married (at age 22--one month before my 23rd birthday), I did know how to cook and clean, but I feel I could have learned even more skills if someone could have directed me in some way (and if I hadn't been working full-time and going to college part-time).

    God often brings a husband into our lives when and where we least expect it! I decided to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center and I met my husband at the first volunteer meeting (and I wasn't even looking for him! He was 26 and just out of graduate school, and he WAS looking! :)

    Just be faithful to what God has called you to, and keep learning as much as you can! When you get married and start having children it is so much harder to find the time to learn new skills. :)


  11. I think what you are doing is extremely wise, years ago no one would have ever thought of allowing a young woman to live on her own. IMHO society has gotten worse not better, so I think maybe we should return to the way things were. Biblically speaking God desires women be under the authority of a man, either her father or husband. I'm your newest follower, you may like to follow my blog, I'm learning a lot of things about homemaking as well, the only difference is I'm now living in my own home with a husband and family and I don't have my mother to help : )

  12. I just wanted to encourage you to keep following your desire to learn homemaking and glorify God as a daughter at home. When I was your age, I didn't understand the value of caring for home and family and it made it very difficult when I got married and had children. I now have two daughters and I hope and pray that they will catch the vision of being a godly woman who prioritizes caring for her family. I pray that God will bless your life and that he will bring other encouraging believers across your path. I came across a blog that is about this subject and I thought I'd pass it on to you: